Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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