WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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