Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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