Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
