Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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