I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
