i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
