Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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