Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
