hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
