Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
