will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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