So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
