she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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