Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
