Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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