Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
