I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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