Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
