Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
