Im at strip club and am horny
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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