you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
