She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
