how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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