Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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