Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize