You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
