If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He shit in the fireplace
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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