Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
