kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i black out too much to be "responsible"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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