Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
