the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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