Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
