and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
