I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
