are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
