Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
