okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
