Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
