Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
