Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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