I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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