i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
