You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
