And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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