literally had 100 drinks last night.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
