If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
