I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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