you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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