Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
