dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
