Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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