..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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