you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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