I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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