She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
