Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this boner is exhausting
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
