You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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