Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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