I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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