the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
