Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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