I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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