thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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