I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
