That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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