i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
