I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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