I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
