my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
