My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
