this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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