Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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