omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
