his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
