I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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